A razors kiss
by roarofthebakeddragon
Summary: AU - "I think if someone told me they loved me, I'd be incapable of believing them. No matter how sincere they are." Lucy's a new student at Fairy Academy she's been home schooled by private tutors her whole life, never hanging out with kids her age. She has social anxiety and a dark secret. First FanFiction. I suck at summaries. Nalu, maybe some mild Jerza GaLe and Gruvia to come.
1. Chapter 1

Lucy awoke with an irritated groan, today was her first day at Fairy Academy. She was in year 10 but with a college education thanks to her private tutor, Sagittarius that her father had insisted on her having since she was 6, not that she had needed him. Lucy was always an incredibly bright young girl, she could remember how her mom used to tell her how advanced she was for her years, always muttering something about being an 'old soul' Lucy gave a sad smile, thinking about her mother always brought tears to her eyes. Her mother had passed when Lucy was no older than 8 years old, but she always has had a very clear image of her dear old mother, despite the fact that her dad had gone insane after the death and destroyed any and everything that reminded him of her. Lucy quickly dismissed those thoughts and feelings when she heard the usual light knocking on her door that came every morning around this time

"Come in, Virgo." Lucy sighed; Virgo was a pink haired beauty, and also her caretaker ever since her father had acted like she didn't exist. Lucy didn't mind though, she had always thought of all her 'help' to be family, they loved and cherished her more than anyone else in earthland.  
"Oh, princess. You've awoken on your own today? It's a very special day. You're very first day at a real school! Oh aren't you excited?" Virgo gushed, while pulling an outfit out of Lucy's closest handing it to her and shoving her towards her bathroom.

Lucy had always been homeschooled, her only friend being Levy, a small blue haired girl that she had met in the library when she was young. The only plus side of being the new kid in the middle of the school year was that her father had made special arrangements with the school to allow them to be in the same classes. But truth be told, Lucy was terrified. She couldn't even handle talking to the cashiers at stores thanks to her social anxiety and panic attacks, never mind being the center of attention in a school full of teenagers and delinquents she had never even laid eyes upon. Of course Lucy didn't voice any of these opinions she had; she just smiled halfheartedly at Virgo and locked herself in the bathroom washing up for her first day.

Deciding what to wear has been a problem for Lucy ever since she can remember, as she had always been indecisive. But as her adolescent years rolled in, after her mother died and as her father got more and more involved in business and less interested in Lucy, her little problem began to grow. It started as her just being undecided on which outfit looked best, and transformed into which outfit covered the most scars. Lucy hasn't worn shorts or t-shirts for years now. Slowly changing her wardrobe by buying more hoodies, long sleeves and pants she tended to go for the darker colors now too; thanks to Lucy little secret addiction. She had easily hidden her small red lines from her father for years now, and had become an expert at gauzing wounds, and hiding blood stained clothes. Lucy had also easily become an expert actress, finding it easier and easier to bury her emotions and look happy. But the truth was she couldn't remember the last time she was truly happy. Perhaps when she was reading with Levy, far off in some imaginary land was the closest thing she had to paradise.

After washing her hair, and brushing her teeth, Lucy had slipped on some skin tight leather leggings and a baggy gray pullover hoodie; she called to her hairdresser/gardener, Cancer to style her shoulder-length golden blonde hair. After Cancer had finished trimming Lucy's side-fringe and backcombing her hair into her regular straight, flippy, poofy style Lucy gave herself a look in the mirror and almost cringed at the sight. Her brown eyes were slightly red and her skin a little blotchy 'Ugh, great way to start off your day' Lucy inwardly cursed at herself. After caking on foundation, and circling her eyes with thick black eyeliner Lucy stared into the mirror, double checking that no scars we visible. She glanced at the clock and noticed she only had ten minutes before she was supposed to meet Levy at the front gates. Lucy quickly grabbed her book bag and her tic-tac container that was coated in duct tape that contained her razors slipping the bag over her shoulder and concealing the container in her hoodies hidden pocket before running out the door and down the street towards her very first day at her very first school where her very first friend was awaiting her.


	2. Chapter 2

Lucy's first day of school wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it would be, and it sure wasn't at all like the movies she's seen. Lucy went through the first half of the day smoothly, and even met some friends.  
A brown haired girl named Cana, a blue haired girl named Juvia, and a scary looking red head named Erza. Her new friends along with Levy were sitting in the cafeteria munching on some pizza when a group of boys were buying their lunch eyeing them down.  
"Who are they?" Lucy whispered to Juvia, who was blushing slightly from being caught staring at a dark haired boy.  
"That is Juvia's Gray-sama!" Juvia squealed, but her expression darkened when she saw Lucy looking at them. "Love rival." Juvia muttered. Lucy however, never heard Juvia's outburst, or her friends' laughs. No, Lucy was currently having a staring contest with a certain pink haired boy who was now walking towards them with his group of friends behind them; Cana followed Lucy's gaze and filling her in.  
"That shaggy-Dark-blue haired boy is Gray, Behind him with the long hair is Gajeel, The orange haired one is Loki, The blue head in the back is Jellal, the pinky is Natsu, and the spaced out looking one with the braid is Bacchus." Lucy's friends were all blushing bright red, but she hadn't noticed, eyes still glued on the pink haired boy who was now pulling out the chair across from her and lazily flopping down. His eyes a memorizing onyx green.  
"Oi, who's the blonde, shrimp?" The one known as Gajeel finally broke the silence.  
Levy blush deepened almost the color of Erza's hair and snapped, "This is Lucy, and don't call me shrimp, Gajeel."  
Swiftly, causing everyone to sigh in annoyance, Loki with a charmingly fake smile grabbed Lucy's left wrist, intending on kissing the top of her hand as a greeting. But Lucy surprised everyone at her table she practically hissed between her teeth at the touch, violently pulling arm back like Loki's hand had been acid. Everyone simply figured she was use to antics like his, and simply forgot. Natsu, however had a troubled look on his face as he continued starring at the blonde, not looking away from her nor speaking even one word through the entirety of lunch. Lucy feeling his gaze directly at her, had kept her head down eating silently, heart racing, anxieties running through her mind. When the lunch bell finally rang Lucy sighed in relief wanting to get away from the intense stare from the pink haired boy across from her.  
Lucy, having a spare this block decided to wander the halls after about five minutes she realized what a horrible idea that was. She was hearing whispers and laughing from people she passed, paranoid that they were judging her, Lucy saw an exist and walked into the school yard letting tears silently fall while she was alone; thanking the gods for her water (and tear) proof makeup. Someone tapped her shoulder and Lucy nearly had a heart attack, screaming and turning around finding it to be the pink haired boy from not even 15 minutes ago, quickly turning her head and wiping her fallen tears on her sleeve she said nothing, expecting him to walk away. Instead he sat in the grass with a lopsided grin on his face.  
"Lucy, was it?" Lucy nodded awkwardly though it sounded more like a statement than a question. "Mind if I smoke?" Before giving her a chance to reply he took out a golden metal pack with what appeared to be dragons etched on to it, pulled out a cigarette an sparked it with a matching dragon zippo, before offering Lucy one too. She shook her head no, and he only shrugged putting the case away before exhaling a long puff of smoke and turning to her.  
"So, Luce;" Lucy grimaced at the nickname her acquaintance had apparently given her without her approval, "Why are you out here ditching class and crying on your own?"  
Lucy's heart began to race, he thought she was ditching? And even worse he saw her crying?!  
"I wasn't ditching, I had a spare." Lucy said cautiously, quickly changing the subject she said "Why? Are you ditching?" Natsu let out an unruly laugh before answering with an of course like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He ran his left hand through his pink spikes while butting out his smoke with his right just as the bell rang indicating that the block had ended along with Lucy's spare. Lucy got up with full intent on walking to her lockers without a word and going to her last block, which happened to be English, her best and favorite subject. Natsu quickly snaked his arm around list wrist calling wait, causing Lucy to screech in pain flailing her arm back towards her body, her other hand in a tight fist with intent on hitting Natsu in the nose, but when the worriedly sad look on his face she softened and Natsu asked "You never told me why you were crying, and what's wrong with your arm? I saw you pull away from Loki too…" Lucy's eyes widened, her heart racing once again. Had he really just asked that? What could she say? How does a self-harmer even begin to explain to someone who has never been down there with her? "Look, I'm going to be late for English." Lucy started to walk away, Natsu easily keeping up. "I have English too! With Gildarts, right? Ugh he's a pain in the ass. I hate English." Natsu said, walking beside her. "You're going the wrong way to get to his class you know ..." Natsu started saying before Lucy interrupted "I have to go to my locker, just leave me alone and go to class by yourself." Lucy harshly whispered, but it was more than enough for him to hear it never faltered his grin. He replied with, "I'll save you a seat, Luce." Before turning around and stalking off. Lucy went to her locker slightly blushing as she was thinking about sitting beside him. Grabbing her binder and a pencil Lucy quickly got to the classroom right before the bell rang and sure enough there was the pink haired boy, sitting a seat away from the window seat, waving to her.  
"How did you know I liked sitting by the window?" Lucy had asked after she sat down and class had started. Natsu just shrugged "I have first three periods before lunch with you, and each class I saw you starring at the clouds." Lucy wondered how she never noticed a pink haired boy in her classes and zoned out until the bell rang, and it was time to go home. Lucy got up and left the class not noticing Natsu tailing behind her when Lucy stopped to put her things in her locker she was surprised to see a head of pink hair from behind her locker door. "Want me to walk you home?" He asked as they walked the halls towards the exit, Lucy simply shook her head saying she had a ride and with that left Natsu at the front doors an bounded towards the parking lot where her personal driver was sure to be waiting.


	3. Chapter 3

-So sorry for the long wait for this chapter. -  
(If anyone even wants to read this..)  
((And sorry for the lack of Natsu, I'll make up for it next chapter))

When Lucy arrived home, she was called into her Fathers chambers. She was always nervous whenever her father called upon her, as he never took interest in her unless he had some sort of personal gain. Lucy's father had been rather cold, you could say. She couldn't remember the last normal conversation she had with him, apart from scolding's and talk about schooling.

It's sad really, Lucy couldn't even remember her mother's voice, she knew what she looks like thanks to the giant picture in the dining hall. Other than that one picture, Lucy's father had destroyed everything that had even the slightest resemblance of her mother. All Lucy had was the little locket she wore around her neck. Lucy readied herself and made her way through the long halls towards her father's study, and knocked quietly on the door before hearing a loud "Come in" she slowly opened the door.

"Hello, Father." Lucy said, composed and well-practiced.  
"Ah, yes. Lucy, how was school? I suspect it was slow for your standards?" Lucy held back a cringe, he was right of course, all her classes seemed to drag out longer than they did when she was with her tutor, not to mention that she had already known all the material they covered today.  
"Actually, the day seemed to go by rather quickly." She reported.  
"Ah, well. That's not why you're here. I'll be out of town for the next month, so do be good. We don't need any more slip-ups like last summer, mkay dear?"

This time Lucy couldn't hold back the cringe, he was talking the incident; the one Lucy tries so desperately as to not remember, as to not repeat. She could see it all in flashes, she could feel the hurt and pain, still just below the surface, threatening to leak out. It was the time almost died.

That time in her life had to of been the darkest, Lucy started cutting herself about a year before it, at around the age of 15 thinking back, Lucy couldn't fathom why she started and she hated herself for picking up that first blade, and hated herself even more for not being able to stop. It started out as two little shallow tiny cuts on her left wrist. The feeling was almost indescribable, it was a dull white haze of not-quite pain, and it was a rush. Lucy did this to herself, this was self-inflicted, this was bad, even dangerous. Just those thoughts alone and she became giddy. Lucy was hurting on the inside, a deep emotional pain, full of repressed childhood memories, longing, regret, worry and sadness. Lucy's world was dark with no light at the end of the tunnel, nothing she had going for herself mattered, she was just an empty shell of a person, with nothing accomplished, under the tyranny of her father. She felt as if she could disappear and no one would notice, and nothing would change.

Last summer Lucy was 16, she had hated who she was becoming and her-self harm had gotten out of hand. She had long thick purplish scars running deep within her thighs, more than she could count in her thighs alone. Along with her wrists which looked like she was mauled by a tiger or something. Her thoughts darkened and she could barely go a day without sneaking off to make a little cut. The cuts gradually got deeper, and the scars more visible. She started burning herself, and scratching at her arms out of habit. At that time Lucy hadn't eaten in just about a week, not because she didn't have food, but because she just simply refused anything offered to her; she couldn't stand herself. She didn't deserve to eat, what good would it do? All it would do is make her take another hour long bike ride and full speed to try to burn it off.

One night her Dad was extremely angry and intoxicated, and he lashed out at Lucy; and when she tried sticking up for herself, that was when he hit her, hard. Across the face. He started going off how she was just like her mother and how he hated aspects of her in his life. He was trying to tell her that it was her fault that Lucys mother passed away, and that it was a good thing at that. Lucy was used to the constant scolding's and occasional smacks. But was she was not used to was him bad mouthing her mother. She couldn't take it, it was a lie. It couldn't be; The one thing that has ever shown any kind of love to Lucy in her entire life died, and it was her fault? It's a lie.

That same night is when Lucy got drunk for her first time. She had stolen some rum and vodka from her fathers' personal stash; she didn't know how much it would take to get drunk and she hated the awful smell and taste. She ended up drinking half of the vodka 26 in one go, feeling warm and giddy she poured herself a mixed drink of rum and coke and stumbled to her room. The first 10 minutes she was listening to music on shuffle and she was happy, but then certain songs began to play and she began to think. Her thoughts swirled and swirled making her think of everything that ever went wrong in her life, and trust me that's a lot to think about, more than anyone brain should be able to handle. With her head spinning she took off her pants and peered at her scars on her leg, noticing how much deeper they are than the ones on her wrists. But it was a mistake, because her own scars can be one of the most triggering things.

That very night Lucy cut. Deeper than ever before, and the alcohol had already thinned her blood somewhat, not to mention she hasn't eaten. For the first 5-10 minutes she sat there in a satisfied little daze, watching the blood slowly but surely drip down her arm on to the floor. The alcohol had messed with her sense of judgment, and she was getting a headache so she walked into the bathroom in her bedroom, and dug around in the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol, Lucy often had headaches and has taken a lot of ibuprofen in her life time so she has a high immune system. She can usually exceed the recommended by 2 or 3 pills, just for her to feel a little better, she dumped a handful into her hand, and without bothering to count them downed them all with water from the sink. And that when she noticed her arm was still gushing blood rather violently, she looked to the floor and could she a trail of blood from her she was standing, back to where she was sitting on the floor originally and upon closer inspection she could see the rather large amount of blood in a puddle of her hardwood floor. She thought back and realized she'd been bleeding for over half an hour. Hysterical, she started yelling 'it won't stop! Oh jesus it won't stop bleeding!" Lucy doesn't remember much after that, other than waking up in the hospital and her fathers cold and uncaring words. 


End file.
